The Love Guru

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Date created: April 2010

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The Love Guru Vital Stats

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Release date 2008

Duration 87 min

Producer(s) Gary Barber, Roger Birnbaum, Michael De Luca...more

Director(s) Marco Schnabel...more Marco Schnabel...less

Writer(s) Mike Myers, Graham Gordy...more Mike Myers, Graham Gordy...less

Cast Mike Myers, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Alba...more

Genre Comedy, Romance,

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The Love Guru Quotes

Guru Pitka:
Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say "That looks like a penis... only smaller".

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Guru Pitka:
I speak of Intimacy, or Into-Me-I-See

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Guru Tugginmypudha:
Good distraction frees us from emotional pain. Bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz.

Darren Roanoke:
How can you be the Love Guru if you've never been in a relationship?
Guru Pitka:
Well, there is someone I like. But until I learn to love myself, I can only go out with three girls named Ann.
Darren Roanoke:
Three girls named Ann?
Guru Pitka:
Yeah. Ann Visible, Ann Flatable, and Ann Job.

Tags: Love Quotes Girls Quotes Love Quotes

Guru Pitka:
Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt.

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Prudence Roanoke:
[about Darren] Do you think he's really changed? I mean, he can't even play in front of his own mother. She's like kryptonite to him.

Tags: Play Quotes Prudence Quotes

Angry Fan:
Boo! You suck Bullard!
Jane Bullard:
No you suck! You can say bad things about me but I won't say bad things about myself! So guess what? You can all just kiss my... Canadian ass! [crowd cheers]
Jane Bullard:
Cherkov, Pitka's coming you have to...
Coach Punch Cherkov:
Are you as turned on as I am right now?
Jane Bullard:
You're a bad bad person.
Coach Punch Cherkov:
I'll take that as a yes!
Jane Bullard:
Pitka's coming just stall! Ew!

Tags: Right Quotes

Guru Pitka:
Let's look at the word, guru. Ok. My goal is to get you to say "Gee You Are You", tm.

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Guru Pitka:
Jane, the city of Toronto doesn't hate you.
Jane Bullard:
Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka:
Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard:
Oh, yeah they do!
Guru Pitka:
Uhhh, no they don't
Jane Bullard:
Trust me, at the arena I had maintenance paint lines telling me where the crowd can't see me! You know so they don't boo me and throw stuff at my head!

Tags: Hate Quotes Trust Quotes

Jay Kell:
[from trailer] That is going to knock some change out of his coin purse!

Tags: Change Quotes

Guru Pitka:
Please welcome, Celine Dion!
Jacques Grande:
Ah! Dis is my day of lucky!

Tags: Day Quotes

Guru Pitka:
If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?

Tags: Help Quotes

The Love Guru

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