The Aristocrats

The Aristocrats

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Date created: April 2010

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The Aristocrats Vital Stats

[edit]

Release date 2005

Duration 89 min

Producer(s) Glenn S. Alai, Peter Adam Golden, Penn Jillette...more

Director(s) Paul Provenza...more

Writer(s) ...more

Cast Chris Albrecht, Jason Alexander, Hank Azaria...more

Genre Documentary,

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The Aristocrats Quotes

 Kyle:
[after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it.
Cartman:
[pauses] Neither do I.
 

Tags: Man Quotes     

 Bob Saget:
There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. He's got a very huge wiener. It's about that big... [indicates the length of his throat]
Bob Saget:
I believe that's Shandling's joke. When you lift something it better be a cock. Here we go. This family, mother, father, four kids. It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway... [laughs]
Bob Saget:
- as nothing more than a hole. This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. They've got a paper route, they go to school and then you fuck 'em. And the agent's like, "What do you do?" and the father goes, "Watch us." He rips off his wife's bra. Then he rips off her underwear and he takes some of her pubes with it. It's awful and some blood starts dripping down her leg. He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. They start going down on each other all different kinds of combinations, there's 69, there's 29, cause the kids are young, there's 9. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. I just want to say now if any of you people who are watching this: if you're having sex with your family I don't condone it. I think it's wrong I've done a lot of PSA's... do NOT fuck your family. So they're all fucking each other right. All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. It's like a hemorrhaging shit-ass. The kid starts spinning around in a circle cause he can't control it. It's like Curly in the Stooges. "Moe, Larry, the cheese!" The projectile shit is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. You don't know whether to shit or puke in this room. That's how... [starts laughing uncontrollably]
Bob Saget:
What the fuck am I doing?
 

Tags: People Quotes   Family Quotes   Girls Quotes   Kids Quotes   People Quotes     

 Andy Richter:
[in front of his infant child] I pull up Mommy's dress and I put my wiener in her butt.
Doug Stanhope:
[in front of his infant child] ... and I push it into her unwilling anus.
Andy Richter:
Then I move my wiener back and forth, until stuff shoots out.
Doug Stanhope:
So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. It looks like a serated sea snake. Remember when I took you to Sea World? Yeah.
Andy Richter:
And all the stuff shoots on her face.
Doug Stanhope:
And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis]
Doug Stanhope:
It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. I'll show you a little bit later.
Andy Richter:
The brother comes out. He eats stuff off her face.
Doug Stanhope:
With this bleeding anus splattering on the crowd. We give the first few rows garbage bags. Have you seen Gallagher? [baby begins to cry]
Doug Stanhope:
Yeah I didn't like it that much myself.
Andy Richter:
And they eat the poop off the floor.
Doug Stanhope:
and he says taa-daa!
Andy Richter:
And the man says "The Aristocrats" [long pause]
Andy Richter:
and did I mention that two of the men are probably Jews?
 

Tags: Men Quotes   Age Quotes   Man Quotes   Men Quotes   Us Quotes     


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