Strangers with Candy

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Date created: April 2010

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Strangers With Candy Vital Stats

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Release date 2005

Duration 97 min

Producer(s) Jennifer Booth, Rob Burnett, Stephen Colbert...more

Director(s) Paul Dinello...more Paul Dinello...less

Writer(s) Stephen Colbert, Paul Dinello, Amy Sedaris...more

Cast Amy Sedaris, Paul Sedaris, Chandra Wilson...more

Genre Movies,

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Strangers With Candy Quotes

Jerri Blank:
Well, you eat a lot.
Mr. Chuck Noblet:
Jerri, I have the metabolism of a hummingbird. For instance, last night I ate half a strawberry cheesecake at 3 A.M. and I'll never gain an ounce, understand?... Great my onion rings are burned!
Jerri Blank:
Sorry
Mr. Chuck Noblet:
Sorry is not gonna make that golden brown ok... I'll never get this one back. You can't unfry things Jerri, you can't be something you're not.

Tags: Night Quotes

Chuck Noblet:
Dear Jerri... I am a certain someone who is in certain danger of having a certain terrible secret revealed by another certain someone. What should I do? Signed, In Certain Trouble.
Jerri Blank:
Hm, someone's gonna tell a secret... Dear Certain, dead men tell no tales. Wink wink!

Tags: Men Quotes Danger Quotes Men Quotes Anger Quotes

Sara Blank:
Did you by any chance wipe your ass on our bathroom towels?
Jerri Blank:
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Sara Blank:
Yes, Jerri.
Jerri Blank:
You have the huevos mas grandes trying to make me look like some filthy animal in front of my super-cool friend Fran.
Sara Blank:
Did you do it?
Jerri Blank:
Yes... I was in a hurry.

Tags: Chance Quotes Trying Quotes

Chuck Noblet:
So, is there no Mrs. Jellineck?
Geoffrey Jellineck:
No...
Chuck Noblet:
Divorce?
Geoffrey Jellineck:
She was, uh, she was murdered.
Chuck Noblet:
Sometimes that can be just as painful.

Tags:

Chuck Noblet:
[Noblet realizes Jerri has been watching him cry] Jerri, hi! I was just looking for my classroom! Is this it? Nope! This is Mr. Jellineck's class! Hmm!

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Principal Onyx Blackman:
[to Ricky, the transfer student] Your new-student eyes immediately graze over the firm young flanks of our females. And I won't have it! Capiche, amigo? There's nothing I'd like better than to put you new students back on the boat to where you came from. Comprend-zay vous?

Tags: Eyes Quotes Students Quotes

Mr. Chuck Noblet:
[to Jerri, who wants to run for Homecoming Queen] You want to hear a little secret? You're only as ugly as we think you are.

Tags: Ugly Quotes

Jerri Blank:
Greeks are just Jews without money!

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Jerri Blank:
Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times.

Tags: Us Quotes

Principal Onyx Blackman:
We're going to be instituting a dress code. [Students groan]
Principal Onyx Blackman:
Relax, people. They're going to be based on your requests which I'm sure you would have requested had I asked for your requests.

Tags: Students Quotes

Mr. Chuck Noblet:
[to Jerri] You are a big, fat, stupid *zero*, fatty.
Jerri Blank:
[hurt] Fatty?

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Jerri Blank:
You can be rich in family, or friends, or love; but the only thing that matters is being rich in money.

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