Sgt. Bilko

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Date created: April 2010

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Sgt. Bilko Vital Stats

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Release date 1996

Duration 93 min

Producer(s) Brian Grazer, Mary McLaglen...more Brian Grazer, Mary McLaglen...less

Director(s) Jonathan Lynn...more Jonathan Lynn...less

Writer(s) Nat Hiken, Andy Breckman...more Nat Hiken, Andy Breckman...less

Cast Steve Martin, Dan Aykroyd, Phil Hartman...more

Genre Movies,

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Sgt. Bilko Quotes

Pfc. Wally Holbrook:
Speaking of Doberman, can I please have another roommate?
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Why, what's the problem?
Pfc. Wally Holbrook:
He wet his bed sir.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Well, we all make mistakes...
Pfc. Wally Holbrook:
No sir, from across the room.

Tags: Bed Quotes

Pvt. Duane Doberman:
Sarge, you're crying.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
[as he admires Las Vegas] It's just so beautiful!

Tags:

Pvt. Dino Paparelli:
Bilko's gonna think of something. Remember the time I got that letter from my wife saying that she wanted to break up with me? Huh? Remember what Bilko did?
Pfc. Wally Holbrook:
He got your wife back?
Pvt. Dino Paparelli:
No, he got me another wife! A *better* wife!

Tags: Saying Quotes Time Quotes

Bilko:
[sung while jogging with his troops] I can Barely move my legs! / Do me a favor and kill me now! / Something, Something rhymes with "legs"! / My life is over anyhow!

Tags: Life Quotes Rhymes Quotes

Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
You can't marry him. You're a Catholic and he's... an asshole, think of the children.

Tags:

[Bilko is playing golf on the army base]
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Twenty bucks says I can hit the parking lot.
Pfc. Wally Holbrook:
I don't gamble.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Well, what is it you *do* do?
Pfc. Wally Holbrook:
Permission to speak freely, sergeant.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead!
Pfc. Wally Holbrook:
I go up every morning and I get dressed to protect the American way of life.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Will you tell me that later tonight so I won't have to take a sleeping pill?

Tags: Will Quotes Army Quotes Golf Quotes Night Quotes

Colonel Hall:
Wha... what's that?
Bilko:
Horse shit, sir.
Colonel Hall:
Well, what's it doing there?
Bilko:
Keeping the flies off the food, sir.

Tags: Lies Quotes

Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
I'm paralyzed from the hair down. Make the bad man stop.

Tags: Man Quotes

Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Finally I got a break, they held the division boxing championship at our post. It was a toss-up. Now, to me, that's just sloppy. I like a sporting event in which I know the outcome before-hand, its more organized. I find one of the young pugilists and for a 50-50 split of all the winnings, he agrees to give less than a supreme effort in the squared circle.
Sgt. Raquel Barbella:
You paid him to take a dive.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
of course. I had this corporal working for me, Leo Kletz. The night of the fight I give him the money to pay-off my fighter. Leo misunderstands and gives the money to the other fighter. This fighter is a little surprised but figures "what the heck, its a good price, I'll go down". Meanwhile my guy figures "oh, Bilko must have meant I get the money after I take the dive, no problem I'll go down anyway.
Pvt. Duane Doberman:
So both fighters think they're taking a dive?
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Yep.
Sgt. Raquel Barbella:
What happened?
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
Boxing History. For three rounds nobody hit anyone, it was a dance recital. Finally, I think out of boredom, one of them connected with a right [scene shows one fighter punch another and then both fighters falling down]
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
.

Tags: Money Quotes Effort Quotes Body Quotes Boxing Quotes Money Quotes

Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko:
If they come, deny everything! Just act dumb. Fender, I'm putting you in charge of that.

Tags: Act Quotes

Major Thorn:
Catching Bilko is hard as nailing Jell-O to the wall.

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Rita Robbins:
I have a masters in manipulation from the University of Bilko.

Tags: University Quotes

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