Four Rooms

Four Rooms Vital Stats

[edit]

Release date 1995

Duration 98 min

Producer(s) Lawrence Bender, Paul Hellerman, Scott Lambert...more

Director(s) Allison Anders, Alexandre Rockwell, Robert Rodriguez...more

Writer(s) Allison Anders, Alexandre Rockwell, Robert Rodriguez...more

Cast Sammi Davis, Amanda De Cadenet, Valeria Golino...more

Genre Movies,

[add a quote]

Four Rooms Quotes

 Elspeth:
If she doesn't have his goop in ten minutes, I'm going to go in there and get it myself!
Jezebel:
That would be a first for you!
 

Tags:   

 Ted the Bellhop:
Later, in another room, some crazy fucking maniac sticks a gun in my face and forces me to play out some psychosexual drama with his wife.
Margaret:
He made you have psycho sex with his wife?
Ted the Bellhop:
No, he didn't make me fuck his wife, he thought I'd fucked his wife! He held me at gunpoint with a loaded gun!
Margaret:
What kinda gun was it?
Ted the Bellhop:
I don't know, I'm not a gun guy. It was big.
Margaret:
Was it like Dirty Harry's gun?
Ted the Bellhop:
Yeah, sorta like that. Yeah.
Margaret:
Did it have a real long barrel or a short barrel?
Ted the Bellhop:
What difference does it make?
Margaret:
Well, for one thing it's the difference between a .44 Magnum and a Magnum .357.
Ted the Bellhop:
Who the fuck cares whether it was a .44 or a .392? It was a big fucking gun, it was loaded, and it was pointed right at my fucking head.
 

 
[Leo is on the phone with his wife]
Leo:
Yes, it's my job. Yes, it's my fucking job, you know that. He wanted to stay out late. I can't fucking - I went to the Monkey Bar, all right? Don't yell at me - I'm not yelling. I'm not yelling. You're the one that's fucking yelling! Fuck! Don't hang up on me! Ellen, please don't hang up on me. Please don't hang up on me. Goddamn it, I swear to fucking God, if you hang up on me, that fuckin' call better be genuine, 'cause I'm gonna get a fuckin' divorce!
Norman:
Yo, Leo?
Leo:
[shouts] Fuck!
Chester:
Another fucking "Honeymooners" going on in there. [Leo tosses throws down his cellphone and begins throwing things around in a violent tantrum]
Leo:
Fuckin' shit, man! Man, what the fuck is wrong with this fuckin' bitch, man? I'm gonna take the fuckin' car, I'm gonna drive up to fuckin' Mulholland, I am gonna fuckin' drag her fuckin' ass and throw it down Benedict fuckin' Canyon, man!
Norman:
You still married, man?
Leo:
Yeah. I don't fuckin' know any more, I swear to Christ, Norman. I fuckin' swear to God. What the fuck is wrong? I treat this fuckin' bitch like a queen, you know that, man!
Chester:
I know that.
Leo:
So I had a little fuckin' too much to drink. It's fuckin' New Year's Eve. New Year's Eve. I can't fuckin' drive home. Okay, Ellen, I'm sorry, I'm fuckin' sorry about that. What am I gonna do? Get in a fuckin' car and go run over six or seven fuckin' kids? That'd be really fuckin' nice! Man, what the fuck is the matter with this bitch? FUCK! [Leo suddenly notices all of the items sitting at the bar]
Leo:
What the fuck is all this?
Ted the Bellhop:
Block of wood, bucket of ice and a hatchet, sir.
Leo:
Get the fuck outta here. Chester, talk to me. Norman?
Chester:
We now return you to "The Man From Rio" already in progress.
Leo:
Oh, my fucking dick is hard already. Tell me, Norman, you're gonna do this shit.
Norman:
[laughs] I am gonna do it.
Leo:
Oh, you are my fucking hero.
 

Tags: Lent Quotes   Man Quotes     

 
[Leo is timing Chester for the 60 seconds he has to explain to Ted about the whole situation]
Leo:
Begin.
Chester:
Okay, Ted, pay attention here. I'm going to make two piles on the bar. One pile which is yours. And another pile which *could* be yours. And what you have to realize is we're gonna do this thing one way... or the other. Whether it's *you* who holds the axe or a Mexican maid or some bum we yank off the street.
Norman:
[about the money on the bar] You could buy a whole lot of soup with that pile.
Chester:
Shh! I'm the closer here. All right, I'm a little me - um, I've lost count. How much is on the bar here?
Group:
Six hundred.
Chester:
Okay, Ted, do you know how long it takes the average American to count to 600?
Ted the Bellhop:
[Thinks for a bit]
Angela:
It's a rhetorical question, Ted.
Ted the Bellhop:
No, sir.
Chester:
About one minute less than it takes to count to 700. Now Ted, a person's life is filled with a zillion little experiences. Some which are insignificant, have no meaning, and, you know, you forget them. Others which you remember for the rest of your natural life. Now, since what we're proposing here is so unusual, so outside the norm, this is a good bet that is going to be one of those incidents that sticks. So, since you're gonna be stuck remembering this for the rest of your life, you have to decide what that memory will be. So, Ted, are you going to remember for the next 40 years, give or take a decade, that you *refused* a $1000 for one second's worth of work? Or that you *made* $1000 for one second's worth of work?
Leo:
Time!
Chester:
So, Ted, what's it gonna be?
Ted the Bellhop:
Okay.
 

 Man:
Hmm. [lets go of Ted's face and pulls out some money]
Man:
One hundred, two hundred, three hundred. Here you are.
Ted the Bellhop:
I thought you said five hundred.
Man:
No, I said three hundred.
Ted the Bellhop:
No, sir. I distinctly heard you say five hundred.
Man:
Are you calling me a liar?
Ted the Bellhop:
No, sir. What I'm saying is that you accidentally forgot that the first thing you said...
Man:
But what I last said was three hundred, and what you say last is what counts.
Ted the Bellhop:
Well, then, if you say five hundred one last time, we have a deal.
Man:
You fucking with me, pendejo?
Ted the Bellhop:
No, sir, but I'm by myself, and looking after your kids is a pain in the ass I don't need.
Man:
[whispering] Are you calling my kids a pain in the ass?
Ted the Bellhop:
Why, no, sir, not the kids. It's the situation that is a pain in the ass.
Man:
No, you were right the first time. They're a pain in the ass. All right. You win, tough guy. Five hundred.
 

 
[Room 309 is buzzing, Ted answers]
Sarah:
Ted!
Ted the Bellhop:
What do you want now, for Christ sakes? Who died?
Sarah:
I don't know, but she's in my bed.
Ted the Bellhop:
What?
Sarah:
There's a dead body in my bed.
Ted the Bellhop:
Nonsense! That's just your brother sound asleep.
Sarah:
No! There's a woman's dead body *inside* the bed in the mattress.
Ted the Bellhop:
You saw the body?
Sarah:
Yes!
Ted the Bellhop:
Impossible! You've got the ointment on your eyes. You can't see shit! Now go to sleep! [hangs up, but the room is still buzzing, answers again]
Ted the Bellhop:
Go to sleep!
Sarah:
I washed it off.
Ted the Bellhop:
The mentholatum?
Sarah:
Yeah. Didn't you ever think to do that? Get your ass up here and call the police, because there's a dead body in my bed, and it smells like shit, and it looks even worse. And if you don't help us, my dad is going to lay you down right next to her, I swear to fucking God! [hangs up, dial tone]
Ted the Bellhop:
I am coming up there right this minute! And if there isn't a dead body in that room by the time I get up there, I'm going to make one! You... [hangs up]
Ted the Bellhop:
Little bitch.
 



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