Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie

Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie Vital Stats

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Release date 2003

Duration 105 min

Producer(s) Eyal Axelrod, Alan C. Blomquist, E.K. Gaylord II...more

Director(s) C.B. Harding...more

Writer(s) Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, Larry The Cable Guy...more

Cast Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Ron White...more

Genre Comedy,

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Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie Quotes

 Jeff:
In the Atlanta airport- I live in Atlanta; you know where you go through the metal detectors? In the Atlanta airport, they have now built a giant Plexiglass box that contains all of the things they will no longer allow in your carry-on luggage. And in that box, there is a *leaf blower*... and a Coleman latern. [laughter]
Jeff:
So if you are an international yardman that likes to work nights, you are SOL right now. A leaf blower! Who is hijacking an airplane with a leaf blower? "You turn this plane around, or I mess your hair up so bad, your mother will never recognize you!" [laughter]
 

 Bill:
[about trying to quit smoking] I tried everything. I tried the gum, I couldn't keep it lit... I tried the patches, they pulled the skin off my lips... Finally my wife goes "Why don't you try acupuncture?" and I go "Woah woah woah woah!" I go "is that where they screw those little needles into ya" she goes "Yeah" and I go "Why don't you try waking up? I'm not gonna let somebody screw little needles into me" she goes "Bill it's your last option". So we found this lady, her name was Dr. Chang. I had one question for Dr. Chang, anybody know what that question would have been? [Audience]
Bill:
Does it hurt.
Bill:
Does it hurt. She goes: [Chinese accent]
Bill:
"Oh no. It no huurt." From a door 3 feet away from me I hear a grown man go "OW OW!" And I go "What was that?" and she goes "Oh, he big baby!" I said "weil I'm a big baby!" So the next thing I know I'm lying on this bed in my underwear, she has screwed a needle into the top of my head, three in each earlobe, one in each pec, one in each of my shins and three between each of my toes. And I'm lying on that bed thinking "Dear God I could use a cigarette right now!" And I can hear her and her partner talking in Chinese, but I don't speak Chinese. And then they start laughing and I'm like "Oh my god! They're filming this!" So she comes in at the half-hour mark. I think she's gonna take the needles out... *No.* She puts a cotton ball on each of the ones in my legs, lights it on fire and *leaves the room!* Well now I'm freakin' out, man, because all I can see is smoke drifting up from between my legs, and I cannot inhale it, Okey-dokey? Finally at the hour mark she comes in, she takes the needles out and goes [Chinese accemt]
Bill:
You come back tomorrow for another treatment. I said "Well let's just book that right now! Hey after that I'll schedule a prostate exam, just be a big ol' day for me!" So I put my ball cap on, I'm gonna go home and take a shower 'cause I've sweated through this whole ordeal. I get home, I'm standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror and I took my cap off and I went "Ow ow!" *SHE LEFT THE NEEDLE IN MY HEAD!*
Bill:
[extended version] I swear to God. And I am freakin' out, man because I look like Cindy Lou Who with that little antenna that comes out of her head. And I don't know if there's like an Oriental way I've gotta pull it out and if I do it wrong my whole body's gonna go oh-gah-ooohruhruh... So I called her and I go "Dr. Chang you left the needle in my head!" and she goes [Chinese Accent]
Bill:
Oh don't be big baby, just pull it out!"
 

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