Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie

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Date created: April 2010

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Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie Vital Stats

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Release date 2003

Duration 105 min

Producer(s) Eyal Axelrod, Alan C. Blomquist, E.K. Gaylord II...more

Director(s) C.B. Harding...more C.B. Harding...less

Writer(s) Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, Larry The Cable Guy...more

Cast Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Ron White...more

Genre Comedy,

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Blue Collar Comedy Tour: The Movie Quotes

Jeff:
Do you know why women are able to train us? They are smarter than us. [cheers and applause from female audience members]
Jeff:
It ain't that big a deal. That's saying you're smarter than a creature who every time it takes its underwear off tries to catch them with its toes, flip them in the air, and catch them with its hand. [laughter]
Jeff:
You are smarter than that.

Jeff:
Kids are great for a comedian, because kids are funny without even trying to be funny.

Tags: Kids Quotes Funny Quotes Trying Quotes

Jeff:
I always felt like you couldn't talk about rednecks unless you are one, and I are one. [laughter]
Jeff:
You know what? Growing up, I didn't know that's what I was. And now, looking back, it was oh so obvious. [laughter]
Jeff:
Ya'll, I'm not making this up. My entire childhood, the mailbox in front of our house had the letters "M-A-L-E" painted on the side of it. [laughter]
Jeff:
And by the time I was in the eleventh grade, I was like "that ain't right! That 'm' is supposed to be capitalized, isn't it?" [laughter]
Jeff:
That is a true story. When I was in the third grade, my uncle did that as a joke. And NOBODY got it.

Tags: Letters Quotes Body Quotes Time Quotes

Jeff:
In the Atlanta airport- I live in Atlanta; you know where you go through the metal detectors? In the Atlanta airport, they have now built a giant Plexiglass box that contains all of the things they will no longer allow in your carry-on luggage. And in that box, there is a *leaf blower*... and a Coleman latern. [laughter]
Jeff:
So if you are an international yardman that likes to work nights, you are SOL right now. A leaf blower! Who is hijacking an airplane with a leaf blower? "You turn this plane around, or I mess your hair up so bad, your mother will never recognize you!" [laughter]

Tags: Man Quotes Will Quotes Mother Quotes Right Quotes Work Quotes

Jeff:
The question you get asked most as a comedian is "where do you come up with material?" And I think the honest answer, at least for us, is the best stuff is not stuff you make up. It's true stuff.

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Jeff:
In defense of my in-laws, my in-laws are nuts. But I know why they're nuts. It's because a long time ago, they turned to each other and said "Hey, why don't we have children?"

Tags: Defense Quotes Time Quotes

Jeff:
Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.

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Jeff:
If you ever used a barstool for a walker... [Everyone looks at Ron, who slowly raises his hand]
Jeff:
You might be a redneck.

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Jeff:
If you wear a dress that's strapless with a bra that isn't, you might be- [Ron points to Larry, who has raised his hand, his head hung in embarrassment]
Jeff:
Try to envision that when you fall asleep tonight.

Tags: Sleep Quotes Vision Quotes

Bill:
[about trying to quit smoking] I tried everything. I tried the gum, I couldn't keep it lit... I tried the patches, they pulled the skin off my lips... Finally my wife goes "Why don't you try acupuncture?" and I go "Woah woah woah woah!" I go "is that where they screw those little needles into ya" she goes "Yeah" and I go "Why don't you try waking up? I'm not gonna let somebody screw little needles into me" she goes "Bill it's your last option". So we found this lady, her name was Dr. Chang. I had one question for Dr. Chang, anybody know what that question would have been? [Audience]
Bill:
Does it hurt.
Bill:
Does it hurt. She goes: [Chinese accent]
Bill:
"Oh no. It no huurt." From a door 3 feet away from me I hear a grown man go "OW OW!" And I go "What was that?" and she goes "Oh, he big baby!" I said "weil I'm a big baby!" So the next thing I know I'm lying on this bed in my underwear, she has screwed a needle into the top of my head, three in each earlobe, one in each pec, one in each of my shins and three between each of my toes. And I'm lying on that bed thinking "Dear God I could use a cigarette right now!" And I can hear her and her partner talking in Chinese, but I don't speak Chinese. And then they start laughing and I'm like "Oh my god! They're filming this!" So she comes in at the half-hour mark. I think she's gonna take the needles out... *No.* She puts a cotton ball on each of the ones in my legs, lights it on fire and *leaves the room!* Well now I'm freakin' out, man, because all I can see is smoke drifting up from between my legs, and I cannot inhale it, Okey-dokey? Finally at the hour mark she comes in, she takes the needles out and goes [Chinese accemt]
Bill:
You come back tomorrow for another treatment. I said "Well let's just book that right now! Hey after that I'll schedule a prostate exam, just be a big ol' day for me!" So I put my ball cap on, I'm gonna go home and take a shower 'cause I've sweated through this whole ordeal. I get home, I'm standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror and I took my cap off and I went "Ow ow!" *SHE LEFT THE NEEDLE IN MY HEAD!*
Bill:
[extended version] I swear to God. And I am freakin' out, man because I look like Cindy Lou Who with that little antenna that comes out of her head. And I don't know if there's like an Oriental way I've gotta pull it out and if I do it wrong my whole body's gonna go oh-gah-ooohruhruh... So I called her and I go "Dr. Chang you left the needle in my head!" and she goes [Chinese Accent]
Bill:
Oh don't be big baby, just pull it out!"

Tags: Bed Quotes Ale Quotes Day Quotes Fire Quotes God Quotes

[finishing off "Here's Your Sign"]
Bill:
But the best one... The best one I've seen yet happened in Los Angeles, California. I got stuck behind a big rig that wedged his trailer up underneath an overpass and me and the trucker are waiting on the side of the road on the tow truck driver. Well, the highway patrolman pulls up and looks at the guy's rig and he looks at the trucker and I'm thinking, "Oh, Dear God, he can't say it," 'cause I'll start laughing. Sure enough, he goes, "You get your truck stuck?" And God bless this trucker, without missing a beat, he goes: "Nope. I was delivering that overpass and I ran out of gas. Here's your sign."

Tags: God Quotes Man Quotes Art Quotes Road Quotes

Bill:
[while the guys are all getting individual spa treatments] Larry remember, when you have to go to the bathroom, get out of the tub!
Larry The Cable Guy:
[Farts] Too late! [Bill laughs]

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