BASEketball

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Date created: April 2010

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BASEketball Vital Stats

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Release date 1998

Duration 103 min

Producer(s) Cleve Landsberg, Robert LoCash, Gil Netter...more

Director(s) David Zucker...more David Zucker...less

Writer(s) David Zucker, Robert LoCash, Lewis Friedman...more

Cast Trey Parker, Matt Stone, Dian Bachar...more

Genre Comedy,

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BASEketball Quotes

Coop:
Ya know sometimes I forget why I play the game. I do it because of Mr. October.
Jenna Reed:
You mean the guy from the Chippendales Calendar?
Coop:
No that was Dwayne Zachemore... [Coop looks surprised]
Coop:
I mean who ever it was...

Bob Costas:
You're excited? Feel these nipples!

Tags:

[trying to psych out a player in their very first game]
Douglas "Swish" Reemer:
Ugh! One of Britney's moms pubic hairs! [pulls hairs from mouth]
Basketball player:
[disgusted voice] Psh... Ohhhh man!
Joseph R. Cooper:
HAH! You lose! Dude that was a SWEET psyche-out!
Douglas "Swish" Reemer:
UGH HERES ANOTHER ONE! [pulls out more hairs from teeth]

Tags: Basketball Quotes Heir Quotes Trying Quotes

Dan Patrick:
Hi there. I'm Dan Patrick.
Kenny Mayne:
And I'm Kenny Mayne.
Dan Patrick:
With the first seven months of the BASEketball postseason out of the way, the playoff picture is now starting to emerge.
Kenny Mayne:
So, with last night's victory over Boston, next week the Beers must beat Indianapolis in order to advance to Charlotte. That's in an effort to reduce their magic number to three.
Dan Patrick:
Right, and then the Beers can advance to the National Eastern Division North to play Tampa.
Kenny Mayne:
So, if the Beers beat Detroit and Denver beats Atlanta in the American Southwestern Division East Northern, then Milwaukee goes to the Denslow Cup, unless Baltimore can upset Buffalo and Charlotte ties Toronto, then Oakland would play LA and Pittsburgh in a blind choice round robin. And if no clear winner emerges from all of this, the two-man sack race will be held on consecutive Sundays until a champion can be crowned.
Dan Patrick:
Right.

Tags: Choice Quotes Effort Quotes Heir Quotes Land Quotes Magic Quotes

Surgeon:
Has there been a rise in his fluid intake? SWEET JESUS! His sodium levels are through the roof!
Surgery Nurse:
I don't get it. He's eight years old and he smells like Robert Downey Jr.

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Jenna Reed:
Excuse me, driver? Can you go any faster?
Dale Earnhardt:
[looks back] Can I go any faster? [puts on his trademark black Goodwrench race helmet and accelerates the taxi]
Dale Earnhardt:
HANG ON!

Tags: Ale Quotes Race Quotes

Bob Costas:
And joining us in the booth this evening, big fan of BASEketball, Tony Nocholino, who plays, as you know, Latino cut-up "Scooter" on the new hit comedy series "What's the Difference?" airing between "Recycled Junk" starring Lisa Campbell and "Same Old Crap" featuring teen heartthrob Mark Swenson, all part of the great fall lineup on our network's "Who gives a rat's ass?" Thursdays.

Tags: Comedy Quotes Art Quotes Us Quotes

Referee 1:
What's the matter with Coop?
Referee 2:
I don't know, but he's 1 for 11 and he smells like Christian Slater!

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Douglas "Swish" Reemer:
Oh, I'll come, I love hospitals.
Joseph R. Cooper:
No you don't, you like Taco Bell!
Douglas "Swish" Reemer:
No, one time I was at this hospital, in france, and I met this great chick.
Joseph R. Cooper:
Dude, that was a hostel.

Tags: Love Quotes Love Quotes Time Quotes

Kenny "Squeak" Scolari:
I am not going out with his sister!
Joseph R. Cooper:
Dude, that's the defense, ya gotta psych them out.
Douglas "Swish" Reemer:
Yeah, ya gotta say totally fucked up shit to psych them out.
Kenny "Squeak" Scolari:
Oh... Hey wait a minute, why is me going out with his sister totally fucked up?

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Douglas "Swish" Reemer:
Listen to me little bitch! You either go out there and make that shot or I'm gonna shove your head so far up your fuckin' ass, you'll have to wear yourself as a hat!

Tags: Self Quotes

Joseph R. Cooper:
[with Australian accent] How to speak San Franciscan ? [He pulls Squeak's shorts down, revealing his bottom]
Joseph R. Cooper:
Vagina !

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