Almost Heroes

Almost Heroes

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Date created: April 2010

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Almost Heroes Vital Stats

[edit]

Release date 1998

Duration 90 min

Producer(s) Denise Di Novi, Mary Kane...more Denise Di Novi, Mary Kane...less

Director(s) Christopher Guest...more Christopher Guest...less

Writer(s) Mark Nutter, Tom Wolfe, Boyd Hale...more

Cast Chris Farley, Matthew Perry, Bokeem Woodbine...more

Genre Adventure, Comedy,

[add a quote]

Almost Heroes Quotes

Higgins:
THERE'S AN ANIMAL NOW! [everyone except Edwards and Hunt starts firing at the animal]
Higgins:
We can't kill it! We're all dead! God save us!
Hunt:
Hold your fire! Hold your fire! [everyone stops firing. Hunt looks closely and sees that the animal is just a squirrel nibbling on an acorn]
Hunt:
It's only a squirrel.
Pratt:
He's got something in his hand!
Guy Fontenot:
Something in his hand! [they continue firing at the squirrel]

Tags: God Quotes

[a bear has come into camp]
Bidwell:
My nose itches.
Hunt:
Don't scratch it.
Bidwell:
Feels like there's a bug up in there.
Hunt:
You scratch your nose. You're dead.
Bidwell:
Well, I don't know what's worse. The bear or my itchy nose.
Hunt:
I think it's leavin'.
Bidwell:
I'm going to scratch it! [begins scratching his nose and the bear turns around and bites his leg]
Bidwell:
[shouts] The bear is worse! The bear is definitely worse!

Tags:

Hunt:
I name this here fork "Pittsburgh Nellie"; a Welsh whore who could do things with her one good arm that'd make you forget that *thing* on her neck.

Tags: Forget Quotes

Guy Fontenot:
He look in our tent! He look at my woman! He saw 'er breast.
Edwards:
Her breast? You saw her breast?

Tags:

Jackson:
Sir, Higgins has a story.
Edwards:
Well, Higgins the floor is yours.
Higgins:
This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it, not one, but two large pieces of sheep shit. When he returned I encouraged him to taste the plum pudding... And as sure as Im standing before you, he did! He ate it all. Shit Pudding!
Edwards:
You got your brother to eat sheep dung. That is a very interesting story.
Hunt:
Tell him the ending, that's the best part.
Higgins:
Oh yeah. To be perfectly honest with you sir, I have no brother. It was me. I ate sheep shit! Swear to God.
Edwards:
Clever twist there on the ending.

Tags: Taste Quotes Water Quotes Evening Quotes Us Quotes

Hunt:
Walk to Asia? I like it.

Tags:

Edwards:
Mr. President, we have to give bears the right to vote... or bears will rise up and then BEARS will be in congress and we will be the ones performing in the circus, wearing little hats.

Tags: Will Quotes Congress Quotes Right Quotes

Pratt:
[Picks up Bidwell's ear from the dirt] Look at me. I'm going to make an experiment. [Starts talking into the ear]
Pratt:
Hello, Bidwell? Can you hear me?
Bidwell:
I can hear you, Pratt.
Pratt:
It works.
Edwards:
Well, of course, it works. He's standing right... Let's get some sleep.

Tags: Talking Quotes

Quotes of the Day

I never ever thought that I was a giggler. I was the one who could hold it together but I didn't on this... - Ashley Jensen

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