Alferd Packer: The Musical

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Date created: April 2010

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Release date 1996

Duration 95 min

Producer(s) Ian Hardin, Edward Henwood, Alexandra Kelly...more

Director(s) Trey Parker...more Trey Parker...less

Writer(s) Trey Parker, Matt Stone...more Trey Parker, Matt Stone...less

Cast Dian Bachar, Stephen Blackpool, Stan Brakhage...more

Genre Biography, Comedy, Horror, Musical,

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Alferd Packer: The Musical Quotes

[last lines]
Title Card:
Due to the continued efforts of Polly Pry, Alfred Packer was eventually released from prison in 1901.

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James Humphrey:
Oookay... We, we could take our wheelbarrow, build it into a little boat, and then we ride it across, and then build it back into a wheelbarrow again!

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[Alferd Packer is at the courthouse, waiting for the verdict]
Judge Melville B. Jerry:
The defendant will rise. [Packer rises]
Judge Melville B. Jerry:
Alferd Packer, a jury of twelve honest citizens have sat in judgment on your case and have found you... guilty. [the courtroom buzzes with quiet chatter about the verdict]
Judge Melville B. Jerry:
Alferd Packer, the judgment of this court is that you be removed from hence to the jail of Hinsdale County, and then be taken to a place of execution prepared for this purpose, within the limits of the town of Lake City, and then and there be hung by the neck until you are dead, dead, dead. [Packer is aghast at this]
Judge Melville B. Jerry:
[smiling] And may God have mercy on your soul. [lowers the gavel once more, closing the proceedings]

James Humphrey:
Wait, you guys. Let me talk to them. I know how to speak Indian.
Shannon Bell:
We're gonna die.
James Humphrey:
Weep-wah, weep-wah, surro no happo?
Tomomi:
Nani itto n jaa, omee? [What the heck are you saying?]
James Humphrey:
He says, "Welcome to the land of blue light." [Humphrey simultaneously signs "Jesus Christ is dead."]
Tomomi:
Omai wa sono uchi, sakana to ishoo ni onemu suru koto ni naru, zo! [Keep it up and you'll be sleeping with the fishes, see?]
James Humphrey:
I am a carpenter, and this is my brother, Tom.

Tags: Land Quotes Us Quotes

James Humphrey:
Excuse me. I've been doing some thinking. Ummm... just kind of looking at our situation here, and I've come to the conclusion that we're completely fucked! Has anybody else made this discovery?

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James Humphrey:
Oh, gosh, I never thought I'd be sleeping next to a naked man on this trip.
George Noon:
Just do what I'm doing. Just pretend like you're laying next to a nice soft woman.
Frank Miller:
*What*?
George Noon:
I'm just imagining old Mr. Miller here as a nice tall blonde.
Frank Miller:
Oh, goddamn it! I want another partner!

Tags: Man Quotes Thought Quotes

Israel Swan:
Let's build a snowman! We can make him our best friend. We can name him Tom or we can name him George! We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall. Snowman! He'll have a happy face, a happy smile, a happy point of view. If you build me a snowman, then I'll build one for you. So, let's build a snowman! We can make him our best friend. We can name him Bob or we can name him Beowulf! We can make him tall, or we can make him not so tall. Snowman! Hey! He'll have a happy face, a happy smile, a happy point of view. If you build me a snowman, then I'll build one for you. Snowman! Snowman! Snowman!

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Shannon Bell:
We are from Utah.
Indian Chief:
Utah? [Bell holds out the Mormon Bible]
Indian Chief:
Ah, Utah.

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[Noon is trying to flirt with an Indian girl]
George Noon:
I may look tough and mean-spirited but I'm really a sensitive artist.
Indian Girl:
That's very interesting.
George Noon:
I paint, and I sculpt with my hands.
Indian Girl:
That's very interesting too.
George Noon:
You have no idea what I'm saying, do you?
Indian Girl:
That's very interesting.

Tags: Trying Quotes

Frank Miller:
God you guys make me sick. What is this, a fucking feel good convention?
Shannon Bell:
Listen, we have a long journey ahead of us. Its important we all get along. Now, you're hurting people's feelings. Your gunna have to find a more constructive way to express your anger.
Frank Miller:
Okay. Well, fuck you! How's that for constructive?
Shannon Bell:
That's great, now go to time out Mister.

Tags: God Quotes Journey Quotes Press Quotes Time Quotes

[after Swan has been shot]
George Noon:
He's dead!
James Humphrey:
Well no kidding he's dead. His brains are lying in the snow.

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[mocking Alferd Packer not explaining the Colorado River beforehand]
James Humphrey:
'Are there any more big rivers between here and Breckenridge?' 'Oh no, just the Colorado!' THE BIGGEST FUCKING RIVER I'VE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

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