Janet Evanovich

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Date created: April 2010

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Janet Evanovich Vital Stats

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Birthdate April 22, 1943

Zodiac

Location South River, New Jersey

Country United States of America

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Job others,

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Janet Evanovich Quotes

Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head.

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I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since.

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We don't usually write up accidents involving rabbits.

- Joe Morelli

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I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble.

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Of course it's your fault,

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On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.

Tags: fire luck

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Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.

Tags: birthday cake life novels romance

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I can't help it. I'm just a big gasbag. I still got leftover barbeque gas.

Tags: wrong

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Everyone wants a Christmas tree. If you had a Christmas tree Santa would bring you stuff! Like hair curlers and slut shoes.

Tags: christmas diesel humor

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Then I had to decide if I needed to wear shoes that kicked ass or were good for ass kicking, on account of there's a difference you know. ~ Finger Lickin' Fifteen

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THE NOTE said the first clue was

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Either get out of bed or else take your clothes off,

Tags: action humor romance

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When I was a little girl I wanted to be a reindeer-the flying kind. I spent a couple years galloping around looking for lichen and fantasizing about boy reindeer. Then one day I saw Peter Pan and my reindeer phase was over. I didn't understand the allure of not growing up, because every little girl got boobs and go steady. I did understand that a flying Peter Pan was better than a flying reindeer. Mary Lou had seen Peter Pan too, but Mary Lou's ambition was to be Wendy, so Mary Lou and I made a good pair. On most any day we could be seen holding hands, running through the neighborhood singing,

Tags: humor

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She'll be back,

Tags: humor ranger romance

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I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum

Tags: evanovich exercise humor plum

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[Ranger]

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Ranger is an unusual name,

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If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office.

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I don't have a lot of domestic instincts,

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Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma.

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I always wanted to eat with a Negro,

Tags: comedy mystery thriller

Tags: humor ranger

[Stephanie] That's not the point. I can't just let monkeys loose in Trenton.

[Lula] Why not? There's all kinds of crazy shit loose in Trenton.

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I heard about them Rangers on TV,

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Nice dress. Take it off.

Tags: humor morelli romance

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Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you.

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A woman's never too old to make an idiot of herself. It goes along with equality of the sexes and potty parity.

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When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

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If God had wanted me to lose weight he would have made sure there was creamed spinach for dessert.

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I took the stool next to him, raising an eyebrow at the coffee and cruller on the counter.

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Do you see that man in the black Porsche?

Tags: connie funny humor ranger

Tags: funny humor

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head.

Tags: funny humor morelli

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There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.

Tags: call night phone plum sleep stephanie

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Babe, you've destroyed a car, burned down two buildings, stapled a guy's nuts, and you have sixteen stitches in your leg. Take a night off. Have a glass of wine, watch some television, and go to bed early.

Tags: destroyed evanovich ranger stephanie

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He [Ranger] stopped in front of my parents' house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my grandmother were standing there, watching us.

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I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman.

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Ranger locked eyes with me.

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He [Ranger] peeled my [Stephanie] clothes off and wrangled me into bed. And then suddenly he was inside me. He once told me that time spent with him would ruin me for all other men. When he said it, I thought it was an outrageous threat. I no longer though it outrageous.

Tags: ranger romance

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I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic. -Stephanie

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One Ranger is all you'll ever need. - Ranger

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Lula had Eminem cranked up. He was rapping about trailer park girls and how they go round the outside, and I was wondering what the heck that meant. I'm a white girl from Trenton. I don't know these things. I need a rap

cheat sheet.

Tags: lula morelli ranger

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Your on your on with this one babe.

Tags: funny ranger

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My grandmother is a little Cuban woman who cooks all day and speaks Spanish. Your grandmother watches pay-per-view porn.

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You've been busy using your breaking and entering skills,

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You gonna take the case?

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Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake.

Tags: cake humour

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Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie Plum

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These are desparate times.

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Fine. Let Ranger get someone else. Trust me, you don't want to be out looking for a parking place on Sloane in the middle of the night.

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