Dave Barry

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Dave Barry

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Date created: April 2010

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Dave Barry Vital Stats

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Birthdate July 3, 1947

Zodiac Cancer

Location Armonk, New York

Country United States of America

Etnhnicity

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Dave Barry Quotes

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it.

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When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

Tags: humor

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Tags: golf humor

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.

Tags: business humor meetings work

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

Tags: babies humor pregnancy

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Tags: health humor

The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

Tags: dieting humor

The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter.

Tags: football humor skiing snowboarding sports

Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything.

Tags: humor plumbers time

I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that 'the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.' I could not have phrased it better myself.

Tags: humor marriage shakespeare

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Tags: gravity humor

As you get older; you've probably noticed that you tend to forget things. You'll be talking with somebody at a party, and you'll know that you know this person, but no matter how hard you try, you can't remember his or her name. This can be very embarassing, especially if he or she turns out to be your spouse.

Tags: aging humor marriage

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I never ever thought that I was a giggler. I was the one who could hold it together but I didn't on this... - Ashley Jensen

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